'I just felt this urge to crash into them': Accused in London, Ont. truck attack shows remorse for actions that killed four people

WARNING: The details in this article and videos may be disturbing to some viewers

Nathaniel Veltman, 22, returned to testify in his own defence Tuesday, for the fourth straight day in a Windsor, Ont. courtroom.

He has previously pleaded not guilty to four counts of terrorism-motivated first-degree murder and one count of terrorism-motivated attempted murder for the June 6, 2021 attack on a Muslim family in London.

Grandmother Talat, her son Salman, his wife Madiha, and their teenage daughter Yumnah Afzaal were all killed. Their nine-year-old son was seriously injured but he survived his injuries.

 

THE ATTACK

“Instantly, as soon as I saw them the same sick urge came to drive at them,” Veltman testified Tuesday.

He told the jury on Monday he fought the urge twice before: once in Toronto the day before the attack and a few hours before striking the Afzaal family in London.

This time however, Veltman said the urge was “too strong.”

He identified the family as Muslim by the “garb” they were wearing at the time.

Veltman described his state of mind at the time as a “dream-like state,” and told the jury he felt “mentally and emotionally detached” from himself.

"I recall seeing a young person," Veltman testified. "Horrifically, I said 'Ok [he's] collateral damage.’"

Veltman said he drove past the family until the centre median ended on Hyde Park Road, and then he turned left.

“I recall looking at the victims and stepping on the gas. I was staring at the man and drove directly at them,” Veltman testified. “A split second (before impact) I tried to change my mind and turn the other way but it was too late.”

“What was your intention?” defence laywer Christopher Hicks asked.

“To crash into them,” Veltman said.

“Did you intend to kill them?” Hicks asked.

“I just felt this urge to crash into them,” Veltman replied.

The only description of the moment of impact Veltman offered was it sounded like “a loud bang” and immediately he said “this massive shock and horror” took over that he “actually did this.”

He told the jury he fled the scene immediately and said, “I didn’t want to see what I had done.”

Veltman admitted to driving “erratically” through the streets of London where he saw another Muslim family walking on the sidewalk.

“I said (to himself) ‘Okay, I need to make this stop. I need to turn myself in. This has to stop before anyone else gets hurt,’” Veltman told the jury.

He testified he saw a taxi cab driver parked in a shopping centre lot so he approached, and “yelled at him” to call police.

Veltman told the jury he removed the knife from the sheath on his belt because he changed his mind about how he would interact with police when they arrived.

“I wasn’t going to take a run at police. I wasn’t going to end my life,” he told the jury.

Veltman then told the jury he started to realize “this is actually serious” when the arresting officer, Const. Sarah Cochrane, told him someone had died.

“This isn’t on the internet anymore,” Veltman recalled thinking. “This is real life.”

 

THE MOTIVATION

Veltman has told the jury about his “period of decline,” which started in September 2020.

He said he was addicted to consuming hateful content online — most of it alleged crimes by Muslims on white people which he believed weren’t being reported by the mainstream media.

Veltman said it filled him with “rage” and he saw himself as an “enlightened individual” who “knew the truth.”

He believed he was “called by God” to seek revenge for these alleged crimes against white men.

On June 6, 2021, when he saw the Afzaal family, Veltman said he wanted those “obsessive thoughts” to end.

He called it a “coincidence” the Afzaal family just happened to be the first Muslim family he saw around 8:40 p.m. on June 6.

Veltman described his actions as “demented, short-lived infatuation” with an “obligation” to do something about the crimes he believed were being committed by Muslims against white people.

After the attack on the Afzaal family he told the jury he was glad his obsessive thoughts “were over.”

 

THE ARREST

It was when he was under arrest Veltman said the “dream-like” state started to wear off and the reality of his situation started to set in.

On the stand Tuesday, Veltman described all the online content he had been consuming as “nonsense.”

In between interviews with the London Police Service, Veltman said he started to “brainstorm” ideas on how to “justify my actions and placate my conscience.”

“I was desperate to say anything possible to justify (the attack),” Veltman said, and also added he treated his interviews with police like a “therapy session.”

“Every hour that passed, I started to become more and more in touch with reality,” Veltman testified. “I went through a painful transformation to accept what I had done.”

 

THE REMORSE

At the conclusion of his direct evidence, Veltman was asked one final question by his lawyer.

“Mr. Veltman, are you remorseful about what happened on June 6, 2021?” asked Hicks.

“Yes,” Veltman replied. “I know it was horrible.”

Hicks concluded his examination in chief by asking Veltman about his manifesto and his plans for it.

“My view of the world was changing,” he told the jury. “I wanted to get it out and write it out to see if it made sense.”

He told the jury he had no plans to “disseminate” online or share it with anyone.

When asked a final question about his use of psilocybin on June 5, 2021, Veltman said it wasn’t until June 7, 2021 – the day after the attack – he started to feel “normal” again.

 

THE CROSS EXAMINATION

Assistant Crown Attorney Jennifer Moser started her cross-examination of Veltman late Tuesday, and asked Veltman to confirm his actions “orphaned a young boy” by killing his parents, sister and grandmother.

He answered, “Yes” very quietly.

“Mr. Veltman, you agree you held racist ideas leading up to when you killed four members of a Muslim family and left a nine-year-old boy seriously injured and orphaned?” she asked.

“Yes,” Veltman replied.

Moser admitted to Veltman and the jury her questions were “jumping around” but only because that’s how he was questioned by his lawyer in examination in chief.

She questioned him at length about his manifesto ‘A White Awakening’ and the words and phrases he used.

CTV News has made the editorial decision to not repeat the offensive portions of Veltman’s beliefs in June 2021.

He said it was a combination of his own hateful thoughts he “spewed” into the document but also based on content he read or watched online.

"I believed the conspiracy theory that the fact Western countries don't have a replacement birth rate at the same time as mass immigration was a form of replacement for white people," Veltman testified.

He told the jury he worked on his manifesto between May and June 1, 2021.

“At some point you came to a conclusion you wanted to kill Muslims,” Moser suggested.

Veltman replied, “I wasn’t sure what exactly I was going to do.”

During his upbringing, Veltman told the jury he struggled with autism.

But Moser noted Tuesday, Veltman was only just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder this past year, after being evaluated by Dr. Julian Gojer, a forensic psychologist the defence intends to call as a witness.

Moser accused Veltman of rewriting his past with the new diagnosis in mind.

Veltman didn’t have an explanation for why his airsoft pistol was in the centre console of his truck and not his “weapons bag” if it was only meant to be a hobby; the jury also head Veltman did not go to an airsoft range after purchasing his truck.

Moser will continue her cross examination on Wednesday.