'One of the most dangerous times': What to do if you’re leaving an abusive relationship

First at Five: Escape Plan First at Five looks at organizations across the Maritimes that help people leave abusive relationships.

For those in an abusive relationship, it’s not as simple as just leaving.

It can feel like there are barriers in the way for many, but there are organizations across the Maritimes ready to help someone escape.

“The reality is, is that it’s a process that often involves significant risks and challenges for many folks,” said Ann de Ste Croix, Transition House Association of Nova Scotia executive director.

In fact, the risk of violence often escalates when a woman is attempting to leave.

“This can be one of the most dangerous times because the abuser may feel that there’s a loss of control and they may react violently,” said de Ste Croix.

In the last three months, there have been six deadly incidents involving intimate partner violence in the Maritimes: five in Nova Scotia and one in New Brunswick.

“Anecdotally, we have been seeing an increase in calls, and I think that's in part due to the public education and awareness that has been ongoing,” said de Ste Croix. “We're really trying to put the message out there that help is available and that there is somewhere for folks to go, whether they're staying in shelter or not.”

Experts say safety planning is important. It’s something that can be done with the help of a transition house, an officer who understands domestic violence, or with an organization like Alice House.

“We’re looking at factors like does she have children? Do they even live together? Sometimes the perpetrators and victims don’t live together,” said Alice House executive director Jill Trites. “We can work together to help identify medications, documents, and other essential things that she’ll need during her escape.”

Whether they’ll be staying with family, a friend or in a transition house, there may be other factors to think about, like what to do with a beloved pet.

“Research has shown animals can also be used in a coercive way to try to prevent the person from leaving a situation,” said Heather Woodin, Nova Scotia SPCA chief of animal operations.

The Nova Scotia SPCA works with organizations to help ensure those animals are cared for.

“It will initially go through our shelter network to receive a medical clearance before the pet then transitions to a foster home. The location of the pet in these foster homes will remain confidential to protect the privacy of the pet owner,” said Woodin.

Pets and their owners are typically reunited within 30 to 60 days.

Another obstacle someone may face is moving, but there are volunteers ready to step in. Shelter Movers collaborates with local businesses and community agencies to support those leaving abusive relationships.

“We offer a free service, so that that includes all trucks, cars. We can pick up the client, we can move stuff to wherever it needs to be moved to, and we can put it in storage for as long as necessary,” said Michelle Tupy, Shelter Movers New Brunswick and Nova Scotia chapter director.

“What we're finding is that the storage component is a huge need right now, particularly with lack of housing.”

Finding a new home or dealing with the financial implications of leaving don’t need to be barriers for someone.

“Our transition house staff can help them find suitable housing for them and their families. If there’s any kind of financial support needed, our transition house staff can help women with accessing different programming,” said de Ste Croix.

Experts say if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, do not tell your partner you plan to leave. If someone feels like they are in immediate danger, they should call 911.

Those looking for assistance on how to leave can call 211 for information about organizations that can help. There are men’s, women’s, and all genders helplines available.

The Transition House Association of Nova Scotia can also be reached at 1-855-225-0220.

More resources for Nova Scotians.

More resources for New Brunswickers.

More resources for those living on Prince Edward Island.